Crave Mobile

Sliders on wheels: White Castle food truck coming to Louisville

So we’ve learned 400-unit White Castle is launching a pair of food trucks: one in Louisville; the other in the chain’s hometown of Columbus, Ohio.

According to a report in BusinessWeek—which none of us thought covered things like Slider Truck deployments—in a few weeks, White Castle CraveMobiles will be dispatched first for private functions, then loosed upon public roads to spread the chain’s gospel of gaseousness.

I say we go anti-Burt Bacharach and make up our own song named, “What the World Doesn’t Need Now,” and dedicate it to this venture.

We can get Whities at restaurants and grocery stores, but do we really need them even more conveniently served from a food truck?

Do we need them at all?

The answer for most is a resounding, “Yes! We need our sliders, our drunk-night munchies. Why, they’re the finest stoner treats, like ev-er! What late night of howling is complete without a subsequent morning of indigestion?”

For middle-agers like this author, the answer is no, we don’t need them. For everything there is a season, and my season of eating those burgers passed sometime back around the Cambrian Explosion—which is appropriate given that’s what it feels like a digesting White Castle burger threatens to do in my gut.

But who am I to deny a younger generation the dubious pleasure of a beef-spam burger sizzled on a grill comingled with dehydrated onions, Sears color-green pickles and steam-dampened buns?

Especially if they asked for it, as in really, totally on purpose. The BusinessWeek story says White Castle expects its CraveMobiles will be requested for weddings.

Really? Would such an offering be considered gassy-gauche or hipster-happenin’? Would that be a cruel joke played by parents trying to pay back a bratty daughter for 25 years of hell, or would it be a “wink-wink” sideshow to the fully catered buffet?

At such a wedding, would the truck roll in after the real food was served and the guests are lit, or is it where the “we had to invite them” relatives are cued up for their grub?

The story also says that once on the road for public service, the CraveMobiles will stay open 24 hours.

That seems kinda silly to us since no one buys them before midnight anyway.