Tag Archives: Humor

Humor— Tips and Pointers for Opening Your Own Restaurant

As hard as it might be to believe, a career spent writing humor columns did not prepare me for the rigors of restaurant ownership. Shocking, I know, but true. Yet restaurant ownership remains the dream of many a deluded soul out there in the world. So as the owner of Gracious Bakery + Café and its subsidiaries here in New Orleans, I would like to share with such interested parties my keen insights gleaned from the past three years of proprietorship. Learn from my mistakes so that you in turn do not make them. Or better yet, open up a traveling cat circus. That would be the safer bet. Continue reading Humor— Tips and Pointers for Opening Your Own Restaurant

Humor — Our First Mardi Gras

Earlier this year my wife and I decided that, since we didn’t already have enough problems, we should open yet another bakery. But, unlike our other locations, this one would have a secret ingredient to boost the bottom line — booze! We lucked into a prime location in the Garden District on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans. Being the only writer on the Food & Dining staff not actually based in Louisville, some context might be helpful. Down here we have this thing called Mardi Gras, which is sort of like our version of the Derby. And as the Derby has its buildup of events like Thunder Over Louisville, Pegasus Parade, etc., Mardi Gras builds to a similar crescendo over the three-week period leading up to Fat Tuesday. Continue reading Humor — Our First Mardi Gras

Save the Glutens — A Public Service Announcement

[Originally Published in the Winter 2015 issue of Food & Dining Magazine.]

I write to you today to bring your attention to a terrible plight, one that exists in plain view, yet remains unquestioned by many in our great nation. I speak to you of the Anti­Gluten Movement. As you may or may not be aware, a vast right­wing Anti­Gluten conspiracy threatens the existence of these remarkable creatures. We ask you today to do what you can to help correct this before it is too late, thereby restoring balance to the Force while simultaneously saving the polar bears. Girded with the facts below, you can make a difference. Continue reading Save the Glutens — A Public Service Announcement

Humor: 2015 Movies with a food lovers twist

I’d like to see more movies about the restaurant world, but when I think about films in that genre most of what comes to mind is art-house fare (Eat Drink Man Woman, Tampopo, etc). Pixar’s Ratatouille managed a decent crossover draw, but despite even the vocal styling of Patton Oswalt and an animated cameo by Thomas Keller it never rose above the perception of being a children’s movie. What is needed, clearly, is some blockbuster muscle. Therefore, Hollywood, I pitch to you the following. You may direct any option or royalty checks to jayforman@hotmail.com Continue reading Humor: 2015 Movies with a food lovers twist

He’s not just funny–he predicts the future

In the last issue of F&D, humor columnist Jay Forman expatiated whimsically on food truck ideas he would like to see.  One of his amusing musings suggested that perhaps it was time for a food truck devoted to provisioning pets.

He started this bagatelle with the joking caveat that he had not checked out the listings in New York or Portland, places most likely to actually have come up with such a venture, but it turns out he did not reckon with the entrepreneurial spirit of Texans.

An item on WDRB.com reports on just such a pet food truck operating in Houston.  It serves doggie treats, including ice cream, to pampered pets, and even carries a selection of doggie toys.  The treats are all-natural of course, and a percentage of the profits are donated back to the “pet community.” Continue reading He’s not just funny–he predicts the future

So why shouldn’t veggies glow in the dark?

It is no secret that guys avoid eating fruits and vegetables whenever possible. And who can blame them?

Frankly, eating produce can be extremely dangerous. Nature has spent millions of years equipping her plants with horrifying ways of protecting themselves from animals seeking a snack. Since modern humans have only been around for 150,000 years or so, plants have the home-court advantage when it comes to self-defense. Continue reading So why shouldn’t veggies glow in the dark?

Thankspigging — the beginning of a new tradition.

The Thankspigging Manifesto.

On November twenty-something, most Americans will sit down to a Thanksgiving dinner. They will eat turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, dressings and casseroles. They will finish with pumpkin pie, wipe their mouths, and push back from the table, thinking that they have had a good meal. They are wrong!

Continue reading Thankspigging — the beginning of a new tradition.

Source This!

If you are growing weary of hyper-descriptive menus making implausible claims about the ancestry of their radishes, you are not alone.

I too have noticed this escalating trend, which results in turgid descriptions like the following:

 Cruelty-free adolescent Kookaburra Prawns chaperoned by Free-Range Incan Corn Fritters laved in Virgin Chiapas Avocado Must upon a Matrix of Hickory Smoked Ice. (Québécois Paddlefish Caviar $100 supplement). $87 Continue reading Source This!